interruption

All consciousness was inverted, excavating in the chasm of my personal lexicon when the opaque feild vanished with a question at my elbow. "So what else can I put peanutbutter on?"
Motherhood in a nutshell.

I bought myself a chanile bedspread for Mother's Day. I use the term "bought" loosely, as I haven't actually paid for it yet. Anyway, I've wanted one ever since I was a little girl. Mom had twin pink ones (I think they were pink, its been so long ago) on my bed and that of my big sister. I really irritated her. I couldn't go to sleep until she came up to bed too. She's still tense with me- maybe its just her. I don't mind so much the idea that it was my annoying, little sister behavior that turned her into such a bitch. Funny the circle that one makes.

But the bedspreads were nice and fuzzy and they always smelled good. So I ordered one from a catalog and now I can justify my impulsivity on a memory. Another circle.

This will be my first Mother's Day without one. She died just before Christmas. And I can't remember her smell. I was cleaning a woman's house the other day with Murphy's Oil Soap, which was momentarily familiar. No, that wasn't Mom's scent, just what she used on those hardwood floors . So I guess she did smell like that, at least when we lived on Birch Avenue.

Come Sunday, I'll thank my kids as I pull the wrapper off the chanile bundle. Most likely it will smell like plastic. Within a week, no doubt it will have some peanutbutter on it.